Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt today’s Pity Party in progress with a brief exercise in forced thankfulness. Yes, yes, we know you signed up for the Pity Party with bad intentions, all ready to be mopey, sad, grumpy and generally unpleasant all day. No worries, we completely expect the Pity Party to resume in all its dark glory shortly. Anyone who is not satisfied with the Pity Party at the end of the day can request a refund, which will of course be refused.
But right now, we are asking all Party guests to take a brief pause in the Pity for a short exercise in forced thankfulness. We are aware that there is a small chance that this may interrupt your ability to fully revel in your Pity Party, but again, this is just a short interruption. General unpleasantness can resume in a few moments.
Five Things I am Forcing Myself to Be Thankful For Right Now:
5. Hey, I did NOT wake up hideously disfigured by a mystery disease. (Stretching already, I know, but trust me, today it will be hard to find five things.)
4. I have lots of good, black tea to drink as my Pity Party beverage of choice. I am thankful I am not out of tea.
3. Good thing my vague intentions and serious desire to lose weight haven’t paid off yet, cause a new wardrobe isn’t in the budget. Whew.
2. Although I have developed a strange elbow pain that seems to be some sort of carpal tunnel/repetitive injury/middle-aged thing that is preventing me from carrying heavy things, like a full cup of tea, at least it’s my right hand. Cause you know, I’m right-handed, and I wouldn’t want an excuse to use my left hand any less than I already do. That would make me more handedly-lopsided. No one wants that.
1. I am truly grateful that the 4 boys in my living room who have bickered and complained all morning have decided that they have to play their board game in silence because the kittens are sleeping. Yes, yes, please play silently so the kittens can sleep. YAY!!!!!!
Ummmmm…….Can I go back to the Pity Party now? I was looking forward to the appetizers – you know, the Cranky Crunchies, the Salty Snappies, and some bittersweet Choco Flakes.